We’ve all been there. You pour your heart into a project—a keynote, a book, or a big idea—and think, “That went great!” Then the feedback rolls in.
Some of it’s positive. Some of it’s constructive. And then… there’s the kind of feedback that makes you want to rip the head off a rubber chicken. 🐔💥
Here’s what I received after a recent keynote in Vancouver:
“Really vapid and full of platitudes. Also came off as very privileged, almost like the person was channeling The Secret. Just wanting and putting in effort does not mean success for many people due to all sorts of systemic issues.”
Ouch.
I’ve been speaking for years, and I know you can’t win over every audience—but let’s be honest. When feedback like this lands in your inbox, it stings. The first thought is usually some version of, “Well, you can’t please everyone.” But the chickens in my head had a different reaction:
“Cluck, cluck, cluck, this whole speech sucks! You need to blow it up and start over!”
So what do you do next? And by next, I mean after you’ve thrown a rubber chicken across the room in frustration.
Handling Negative Feedback Like a Pro
The first step is to take a breath—and remind yourself of this: It’s not what you said, it’s what they heard.
I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. A couple of years ago, someone told me after a keynote, “Your main story (asking your wife out on a date over 30 years ago) was old. You need something newer.” My initial reaction was, “The whole point was about making choices today that improve the next 30 years! Were you even listening?”
But I realized I wasn’t as clear as I thought. It wasn’t their hearing—it was my communication. So I made a small change to the closing:
“I realize that some of the stories I told today are decades old—but here’s the thing: The chicken you fry today can make today and the next several decades better.”
That small tweak made a big difference.
Learning the Right Lessons from Feedback
So, what about this feedback in Vancouver? I had to ask myself a tough question:
- Was this feedback useful?
- Or was it a mismatch between my message and the person listening?
After reflecting on it (and talking to my trusted advisors—my wife, my sons, and a fellow speaker), I came to an important conclusion:
Sometimes, it’s not about changing your message—it’s about speaking to the right audience.
Here’s the thing: Trying to please everyone waters down your message.
If I’d changed my keynote to cater to that one piece of negative feedback, I’d risk losing the people who resonated with my ideas. Instead, I focused on those who were inspired by it—like the person who told me afterward:
“Phil, you did a fantastic job, and thanks to you, I’ve already started my BBBI and am planning to go the whole hog!”
The Bottom Line
Here’s what I’ve learned about negative feedback:
- Not everyone will connect with your message, and that’s okay.
- Some feedback will sting—but that doesn’t mean you need to overhaul everything.
- The key is to stay true to your message and focus on the people who need to hear it most.
And if you ever doubt that, remember this:
A diluted message connects with no one.
So the next time someone critiques your work, take a breath, fry that feedback chicken, and keep moving forward.
What’s the most stinging feedback you’ve ever received? How did you handle it? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your story!